woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
