theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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