All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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