apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
