Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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