U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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