Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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