i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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