He had one of those small greek statue penises
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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