Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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