you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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