College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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