Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
