I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
nutella sex= disaster
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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