R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize