I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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