Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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