i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
