I wish I could punch you in the face.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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