3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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