I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
