I heard we made out
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
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I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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