I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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