dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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