i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
