OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
