I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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