Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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