Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
