im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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