If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
