Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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