she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize