they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
