i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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