hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
