The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
