Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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