I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
