i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
