You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
