my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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