who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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