im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
