You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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