I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
