I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
