maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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