I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
