i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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