I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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