peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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