Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
