So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
