mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
