Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
