It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
