i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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