you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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