I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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