Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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