Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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