So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
