watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
