Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
