Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
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I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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