remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
