I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
