can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
