that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
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For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
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i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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