So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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