OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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