I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
