I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
