I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
