I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
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Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
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I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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