Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
